spit

alright now it’s time for you to tell your story

tell your truth

tell me everything you’ve been holding onto

it’s your turn to let it out

don’t hold back.

well I guess i’ve been meaning to say

that it’s been there all along

the truth and the future was with us all along

there was no questioning it would be this way

but we still can’t believe it.

you see

no one was ever meant to roller skate in a buffalo herd

but roger miller was wrong

he was wrong.

and of all the things you do today I hope you tell your grandma you love her

and if you can’t I hope you write her a note.

she might never read it but she will know

and so will you.

and the most important part of all this

is that it’s not about how many vinyl records you have

or how many handmade pieces of art you have hung on your walls

or even about all the scabs on your knees that you don’t complain about.

you see

it was never about those things.

and it was never about conversations at 2am, even when it felt like it was.

and it was never about the haircut you had but for some reason that mattered.

I wish you could see

what it was about.

so that you could tell me because I still don’t know

it’s been a while

hey guys

I just wanted to write this for my mom

I guess I never really considered how lonely she is

I never really thought about it too much

she spent christmas alone this year

and I forgot to text her merry christmas when I woke up

she spends christmas alone every other year but it never gets easier for her

it never will

I wonder sometimes if she misses my dad as much as my dad misses her

my dad will never ever admit it

but I know he misses her

and I know she misses what they had

and I know that I do too

but it just is how it is and I forgot to tell her I loved her on christmas morning

my mom spent christmas alone this year and 2 years before

I never give her enough credit for how strong she is

I love you mom and I promise i’ll never forget to text you on christmas morning ever again

to whom it may concern

well here it is

all laid out on the table I guess

things I never said. things I need to say. things I thought and things I didnt.

I guess I need to start by saying

hey

things haven’t been so good lately. I miss you but I know we both need this. also, that song you wrote the other day? I heard it and I loved it. just thought you should know. anyways, goodnight.

santa, I hope you aren’t mad that i have stopped writing to you. it’s not because I dont believe anymore, it’s because I hate my handwriting.

I wish I could read everyone’s mind cause then I could choose my words more carefully.

it’s 11:47 and we have been facetiming 34 minutes and 18 seconds while he makes cookies and he’s my best friend.

I guess you’ll never know how I feel outside of school and work, but maybe that’s for the best.

do you think that your dad ever gets sad that he isn’t your mom? or vice versa? I feel like that sometimes.

I just want to be as great as freddie mercury.

I swore to dom. that when we die we will take a trip to visit the greatest concert of all time. Live Aid. and i’ve never been more excited in my life.

and some pictures that mean everything and nothing all at the same time

asher quinn

I never thought anyone actually read my things

or cared for that matter

and I never thought in a million years that someone would do this for me

matt you made this so special for me.

you made this everything.

yeah ok it may have been just an assignment but it was just so much more.

you brought me to life and I cant thank you more.

I almost cried my eyes in front of nelson watching it.

I really wish you knew how much this meant to me and how much i really love it.

you have made this class so much better for everyone

and you have just literally made my whole year.

a little bit ago I wrote a letter to nelson in my journal saying that I wish I was somebody in this class

I wish that I could finally do something I love and do it good

and I felt like i hadn’t

and I didnt

and that I was hopeless

you made me feel like I was somebody and I just cant thank you enough

I literally just want to give you the world for doing this idek

I guess you’ll never know how much this genuinely meant to me

but I hope this helps show it a little

thank you for making my blog special matt

you’re so golden < 3

man on the moon

today I took my dads special coat to school

the coat he wears to work

and although he was far far away today

I knew he didn’t like me wearing his coat

cause he was cold up there in space

up there in the stars cleaning the moon so we all have something to wish for

I took his coat today and he told me without telling me

that it was ok

and I felt bad but it was ok

and my dad is brave for being up in space for so long

the commute is something else but so is he and I wish people knew what he has to do so that wolves have something to howl at, at night

I wore his coat today

because I wanted to be in space too

and I was for a second

and it made me think about how my dad feels every time he goes to work

floating

he must really love it up there in the stars

it’s where he belongs

maybe it’s where I want to belong too.

makes me wonder if I was meant to take his coat all along

(this is cause nelson told me to and I was scared but I did it and idk about it but I want you to write one too nelson. please)

it’s 12:41 am

just some things that have gone through my head recently, I guess

sometimes I wonder who everyone is missing right now. who is the person that someone cry’s about. ya know? idk

sometimes I wonder if my mail lady is ok. like if she has a good life and is doing ok. I hope so. being a mail lady doesn’t seem too fun.

sometimes I wonder if anyone gets jealous of me? idk you never know I guess. cause I get jealous of others but I never show or tell them. so what if

I wonder what kind of kids police men were. did they never do anything illegal? were they ever a misunderstood kid? idk cause sometimes it wouldnt make sense if they were

sometimes I wonder if my doctor thinks about how i’m doing. I told him I think i’m depressed and that felt good because he listened I guess idk. I wonder if he wonders if i’m doing ok

sometimes I feel like a mom to my friends and that makes me sad. I wish I wasnt always so bossy idk. I can be kind of a tough person to be around and i’m sorry

sometimes I wonder if people tell there friends about me. if people talk about me ya know? like just because they can or want to. idk

sometimes I wonder how you guys are doing. and I wonder what your life is like. idk I hope everything is ok for you. I guess that’s the most I can hope for.

now it’s 12:55 am

bzzzzzzzzzzz

two truths and…..idk

I have blonde hair and I prefer it unbrushed and shoulder length. I like it better like that.

I own a pair of purple roller skates and i have had them for over 2 years and I love them very much.

my dads name is edward and he is deathly afraid of heights and responsibility.

he’s got 6 kids and I am the oldest although I feel like i’m stuck in the middle most the time.

all the time.

my mom zip tied my mouth close because i was thinking too loud while she was watching tv.

she’s blind so she didn’t realize the noise wasn’t coming from me, but from my little brother.

i play soccer with my little brothers dreams sometimes but for some reason I miss the goal every time.

but it’s ok he prefers the piano anyways.

my eyelashes started falling off about a year ago because I stopped appreciating the sunsets.

and the moon took my tears.

I didnt mean to.

but I deserved it I guess.

my hands were glued to my steering wheel this morning and my windshield was covered in paint.

it’s ok though because the car drove itself to school while I was focused on the music in your headphones.

my favorite band.

I drove to hawaii the other day and stayed the night.

me and my brother took some pictures of the beach and then swam home because it was getting dark.

I wish I got more pictures of him instead of the beach.

because the sand got stuck in my teeth and I didnt like it very much.

but my brother gave me a hug so everything’s ok.

I have a tiger at home that lives in my closet.

I feed it every now and then but honestly i’d wish I could get rid of it.

but sometimes I cry to him and he makes it better.

i cried all night yesterday cause I lost in the spelling-bee to the kid who reads all day.

i know it’s stupid but it meant something to me.

idk I guess what i’m trying to say is

i’m trying my best